i wanna talk about it, but i don't really

I wish I could've been loved
now that I am no longer waiting to be called.
now that I am not harvesting heartbreak
in my neck like a beehive; skin like
honeycomb; swarms of the forgotten and
pleading in waking dreams.

I followed a warning that I thought
was a lighthouse. I whispered
bitter suggestions: i am yours when ever
you want me again. i love you. don't
you mind? 
My heart trembles in my
soft and chilly chest. now I drown
outstretched, clawing.
I have some kind of treaty where
I am trying to coax the monsters to
fight for me. I've said too much
I've said too much.

You're supposed to pull back my skin
from my bones and tell me, 'beauty is
terror,' that it's time for my coronation
in the storm clouds and that your chariot will
take me there. Chivalry is not dead
but I am. I have lived one thousand lives
more than I had planned but
it is still not enough. it is not enough
to have power
or to believe that words mean
more than eye contact can. there
is so much more to see and life
changes all of us, it's not my fault.
words bounce around my head
in no perfect order.