what my head looks like

  • today I am drinking wine and writing here.
  • I am listening to this
  • I am thinking a lot about this.
  • I am gazing longingly at this
  • I am reading this. but really wanting to be reading this, as its sitting on the shelf next to me.
  • but mostly I am feeling like I want to dissolve into this book.

I’ve just noticed that Halsey changed her twitter bio: constantly thinking about how to make my chest feel less like a shaken up bottle of soda. I feel that, in a weird way. I took my headphones off to order some food and right in that moment, “Toothpaste Kisses” by the Maccabees came on, which happens to be one of my favourite songs of all time. 

I’m left to resolve that drastic change can overwhelm my senses. everything my brain receives is slightly more intense and I am seeing/tasting/thinking/living in a sort of vividness. surrealism vs. impressionism. lavender is violet, now. my heart’s window pane has been smashed wide open and the night air has a bite. I am happy and covered in mouths.

I am left to try and resolve the difference between fighting and running. I haven’t yet decided. Bravery can sometimes be weapons, but other times, armor. right?

I found this little version of Romeo and Juliet the other day, translated into Spanish and revived with homemade cover art. I really wanted to take it home, but it wasn’t for sale. 

sharp mind/soft body. strange, strange life. can’t get enough of the human experience. 

years ago the rain left. a small god / patron saint of protection / roams these streets. I want to be what you think of when you see certain words. when I was drunk on Thursday night, I came home at 3 am and wrote in my journal: “fuck these carnival hands.” I can’t remember why. 

listen to more music and less advice. thoughts on how to turn myself into an army: